Quicky

I just wanted to post a quicky while these thoughts are swimming in my mind.

I'm grateful for everything I have: my amazing family, my home, the fact that I can pay my bills.
I'm thankful for the job that I have, and a reliable car that is safe to drive, because I know there are so many people not as fortunate as me.
I'm learning how to place my gratitude, and my thankfulness for all the good things I have at the epicenter of my thoughts, and remember that there's a huge, vast difference between "want" and "need."

It's hard to change my way of thinking. And I'm a work in progress, learning how to do things I don't know how to do, educate myself, and grow in ways that stretch far beyond freedom from debt.

For some people, this might not seems hard. For me, it is. This is uncharted territory, and I know I'm not the only one struggling with financial issues, work, family... I'm flying by the seat of my skirts, just trying to keep my goals and gratitude in mind.

A Birthday With Moderation on Top

Budgeting stinks. You know there's somewhere inside you that agrees with me, even if you have tons of self-control and adore countin' them beans. There's part of you that kicks and screams and throws a temper tantrum every time you have to tell yourself "no."

Budgeting money: sucks. Budgeting calories: FML. Life is full of things reminding you that everything should be moderate. Spend too much and be broke. Eat too much and be obese. Broke and obese aren't good, but wouldn't it be nice to not have to even worry about it?

Sometimes, I just feel like "moderate" is a bad word. It's synonymous with bland, boring, oatmeal, gray. I don't like it. I love the results of moderate, but I hate the "doing" of the moderate. And I really hate getting to that place of moderation.

I celebrated my birthday over the weekend, and it was fantastic. I went to live horse races for the first time, and had such a good time! There's so much for me to learn about it, it's a whole other language and culture for me to delve into. I hope to figure it out a bit more and go again soon.

Off to the races!

The races, combined with some AMAZING Mexican food (my latest downfall), and a beautiful birthday cake made my big 3-1 really fun.

BUT, sometime during my weekend of fun, I realized just how hard my fall from the fitness wagon was. I'm a stress eater,and after my aforementioned financial-freakout, I ate. And I ate. And ate. And then I added chocolate chips to brownie batter and I ate some more. (Seriously.) It was comforting to me, and as screwed up as it sounds, it helped. Now that I feel like I've got my act back together (hello, Moderation!), I've felt that push to get back on the calorie counting wagon. I went and got some healthy foods, that I hope will be the bulk of my diet this week, and am starting to feel determined again. But getting there, that beautiful momentum, just SUCKS.

On top of that, I really wanted to shop today. Nothing major-- I wanted to get one of these lovely loungers so I could bask in the sun while I stay home and not spend money this summer.

Oh, Lowes... I could spend so much $$ on your patio furniture.

 

 

Then I saw the price-- $280!! Last year I would have went right down there, because yes-- that's a LOT of money, but for my birthday I would have splurged. ::sigh::

I had to refocus on that place of moderation. Cause I've never lived a lavish life, I've never been anything more than an average middle-class chick. I can still get a lounge chair (from the same place) for WAY less. It's not as pretty, but know what? It will function just the same. But for someone who has never really budgeted for anything and just wants to buy herself a birthday present, that's a weird feeling. Not bad. Just weird. Especially when the "how does that fit into my spreadsheet?" question popped into my head.

On another (happier) note, I've made good progress on my debt. I'm about $600 LESS in the hole than I was a month ago- cheers to that! In a later post, I'll add up all my debt and outline exactly what I'm trying to get out from under. Promise. As soon as I don't feel my heart beat in my temples when I think of numbers. Till then, I've been reading And Then We Saved. It's been hugely motivating and inspirational to see how other people have worked through their debt. I don't know if I can be as disciplined, but we'll see!

.... This will get easier, right?

Anxiety, and Bitch Slapped by Reality

So I stopped writing here because I really had no clue what the focus of this little bloggity should be. My life is pretty dull- why would anyone what to read the nothing about my every day?

Then... not too long ago, my financial shit hit the fan. Apparently just setting all my bills on "autopay" and thinking everything would be all good WASN'T the best decision. I'll save the deets for later, but I had my first legit anxiety attack.

I know, I know... I should have kept up on everything. I should be a good girl and balance my check book every week, but shit, I don't even know where my check book is. (Do you? Seriously?)

Don't judge now. I take care of all my responsibilities. It's not like I couldn't pay my bills or hit up The Walmart for vittles. It had just been a looooong time since I sat down and really looked at everything to see where my cash was going. All I knew is that I was feeling more and more broke every month, payments were getting pushed back, and I had no idea where all my cash was actually going.

My cash has been going EVERYWHERE. To bills, Starbucks, the occasional random impulse buys. I was ending up with nothing at the end of the month. Divvied up after everything, I just wasn't aware of my out-going cash. A depressing little example: I had a credit card that I had that was getting "autopaid" one day late for months, the minimum payment, of course. But because it wasn't on time, late fees accrued like a motherfucker, and even though I was paying, I was going two more dollars into debt every month!

 Did I say anxiety attack? I meant TWO.

Working parents can relate- daycare is a money succubus. I (thankfully) own my house, but even before all of this I qualified as "house poor." Student loans, credit cards, gas for my petroleum-slurping car... I'm a single parent, I ball on a budget. Or so I thought.

SO, I made the command decision to stop counting calories (shout out to my Fit Camp Girls!!) for a little while and start counting my money instead. I'm officially starting a spending diet and taking steps to learn about how to save my money that I bust my ass for. I know it's not going to be easy. I imagine it'll be like when I ran for the first time in YEARS- painfully working those muscles that I've been so lazy with for too long (metaphorically).

Although being in money stress mode isn't going to make me or my life any more interesting, I hope that my financial bullshit will be relate-able to someone, and maybe we can learn from each other on this journey.

Have you ever been slapped upside the head by your $$, or lack-there-of? How'd you deal?

Champagne and Cherries

I've told (very few) people about my blog, but that people that I HAVE mentioned it too look at me like I'm high when I say the name of my blog is "Champagne and Cherries."
Let me explain.
Both are things that, in my life, have held some personal meaning to me.
Champagne is obvious: it's a luxury. It's something to indulge in. When I was a kid, I saw fancy people in movies who were living the high life, sipping champagne at sparkling parties on New Years. But it's also more than that. Yeah, when I was a kid, champagne was all about glam. Now, it means something more. The best way to describe it, is the fruits of your labor. It's relaxing in style, without worry.
Cherries, maybe, aren't so obvious. Cherries are simple. Where I live, cherries grow in abundance. They're the natural (and literal) fruits of life.
This might not make any sense to you, dear reader. The other thing I can liken it to is this: New York City, and Mayberry. My utopia is an even split between the two places. The bright lights and the porch-sittin'. It's what I want most in life-- the best of both worlds.

It seems like my whole life has been about the dichotomy, but hey, I'm a Gemini, so I guess I'm living up to my astrological persona. I've never been a huge extrovert, but I have had to figure out how to be happy living between what I want and what I need.
So as I randomly sort my thoughts on both, I'll but them here. The champagne and the cherries; As I figure out how to have them both, and find the balance.
Sorry for the disjointed post. I'll write a more (and with better flow) later...

No clever title...

and no clever first-post for this blog. I'll be honest: I'm blogging because I'm a bit bored, but I have a lot to say. After years of being too busy to really have any motivation to do anything not required by life, school, or work, I'm finally at a point in my life where I finally have nothing to do.
I hear myself talking about my theories on life all the time. I figure maybe someone out there will be remotely entertained by my quasi-philosophical chatter. Couple that with boredom, and BOOM! A blog is born. Not quite like "a star is born," but I'll do my best.
Now that I have more time to do my thang, I'm hoping to do some personal growth. Nothing huge (I'm not looking to be completely self-aware), but I do think I, and the rest of the universe, could do with a little enlightenment. Baby steps, folks. For me, that means doing things like reading more. Meditating, maybe...if I can ever figure out how the hell someone meditates.
Really, I'm a girl (a Woman, if you will) that enjoys the good life. I enjoy shopping, good cocktails, the bubbly, a good mani pedi every now and then. I work hard, though. I'll be damned if that's all there is. This is my journey towards the Good Life. That's with CAPITOL letters, because it's more than what money can buy. It's peace, it's satisfaction, it's bliss. It's balance, and that's frickin' hard to find. How do we get there?